like the blue in gold
by starlight.moon.princess
Summary: Finnick survives. Annie doesn't - she dies in childbirth. And Finnick is left behind with a son whose care he knows nothing about, and parts of his heart that have rusted shut with Annie's death. :: FinnickCinna, and learning to love again. AU


**A/N: Some fudging of timelines here. Annie conceived earlier than in the book, and is hovering around her delivery date when Finnick and the gang go to Snow's mansion. Also, Cinna is obviously alive in this AU.**

* * *

He never quite remembers how – the entire battle in nothing but a blur – but somehow, he makes it out of Snow's mansion alive.

He had never expected to survive the rebellion. He'd gone into the mansion knowing that there was a high chance that he would die there, in the middle of one of the greatest symbols of the oppression of the Districts. When he walks out, still breathing, there's a part of him that wonders what he's supposed to do with himself now.

Maybe he can finally dream of life with Annie and their child.

And then he returns to District 13, and all those tentative dreams disappear like wispy clouds in a sunny sky.

Her screams echo in his mind for years afterwards.

They hand him his son and tell him that she named him Nikomedes. It means "victory" in the old tongue; the one Annie was so fond of.

* * *

The rebellion wins. Katniss kills Coin and returns home.

But he stays in District 13. There's nothing left for him in District 4 apart from memories and the dreams of a life that was cruelly snatched from him. He will raise his son in the future, not the past.

But he doesn't know how to care for a child. He was meant to do this with Annie, not by himself.

* * *

A month after Katniss leaves for 12, Cinna starts coming to visit him and Niko.

He's thankful for the company. So many of his friends are dead, and most of those still alive have left 13 to return to their own Districts. It's nice to see a familiar face; even if it isn't one he could actually have called a friend before the rebellion.

He doesn't expect Cinna to come by more than a few times a month. After all, they were never close enough to warrant more visits. But slowly, the man starts coming by more and more frequently, and Finnick is grateful. He knows more about child-care than Finnick does, and having someone to help him with Niko reduces the stress he feels considerably.

He never notices when the ex-Capitol resident becomes a fixture in his life, but when he does, he cannot bring himself to regret the fact.

Even when he hated every man, woman and child who lived in the Capitol, Cinna had never figured among them. He may not have known the man well, but Cinna had still done everything he could to protect Finnick, buying nights with him and expecting nothing in return.

* * *

It feels wrong, falling in love again.

After Annie's death, he hadn't been able to see him opening up to another person in the same way once more. Loosing Annie had broken some fundamental part of him, and he wasn't about risk feeling like that once more – and especially not now that he had a son to care for, a son who deserved better than a father who was broken in ways that could never be healed.

But Niko's second birthday rolled around, and Cinna brought the most exquisite cake Finnick had even seen to the little celebration. And watching Niko smear the other man's face with cake, Finnick felt a part of his heart that has been rusted shut for the last two years stutter into motion.

He doesn't say anything. Somehow, in the two years since he's been left alone, Cinna has becoming one of the most important forces in his life. He's not about to risk shattering everything he knows once again on the slim chance that Cinna might feel the same.

If he does, it's up to him to make the first move. There are things that Finnick cannot risk any more, and his heart is foremost among them.

* * *

In the end, it's disaster that causes things to come to a head, just like almost every other high point of Finnick's life.

Living in peace makes a person soft, and no matter how deeply the memories of the arena still cut him, Finnick is the first to admit that he's not as paranoid or watch as he once was. And sometimes, not even Cinna's help can stave off the bone-deep exhaustion that comes with looking after a rambunctious two year old.

It only takes a moment of lost concentration, and Niko is gone from Finnick's side.

Once upon a time, he would have said that losing Snnie was the worst moment of his life. but now Niko is gone, and Finnick cannot help but think that he is willing to sacrifice the world just to have his son back.

Finnick spends the time without his son worrying and panicking. Cinna hounds every influential person he can think of.

It may have been two years since the revolution, but they are still some of the most prominent members still alive. No one is willing to risk the anger of the man whose blood-soaked trident still features in many nightmares, and Niko is found in record time, having been taken by a group of Capitol supremacists.

The supremacists are quickly tried and executed, but now that he has Niko back, their fate does not concern Finnick much.

Cinna is waiting with him when they bring Niko home. And after all the formalities and social nicities are done with, he kisses Finnick in the middle of the living room, Niko watching curiously from Finnick's arms.

It's not a long kiss. It's short, sweet, and chaste. But despite that, it says all that needs to be said.

And suddenly Finnick Odair finds that he isn't scared by the fact that the rusted parts of his heart have started to turn once more.

* * *

**This is my first ever fic for this fandom, and I'd love it if you guys would drop me a review letting me know how it was :)**


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